experiencing joy, ignoring presumption

Yesterday (1 June 2022) was Global Running Day; in celebration, let me share that my family completed our first 5K as a family! If you are a regular reader, you may recall that I shared that the preschooler decided it was time to complete a 5K. If I can sum it up in one word, it would be, ACCOMPLISHED!

We completed our first 5K as a family on Saturday, May 21^st  (Heroes 5K, Huntersville, NC, USA); after six weeks of preparation, we lost two weeks due to allergies. Words cannot express how impressed I am with the preschooler, the commitment to run/walk, and the pure joy exuded during the entire 3.1 miles. We are looking forward to our next one, #bubblerun; see you at the speedway.

This post has been a long time coming because I intended it to be a celebration post, but a neighbor/stranger tainted my prose. Therefore, I had to regroup and rethink how to share my family’s experiences against the backdrop of someone’s self-proclaimed “pre-emptive recognition against the suspicion and paranoia.”

We walked the connected subdivisions of our neighborhood in preparation for the Heroes 5K, and we have continued to do so; we enjoy walking/running our neighborhood. We are a Black and Filipino American family living in an area of roughly 70% White (Census zip code data). We stand out. Beyond the drivers who speed through, everyone has been friendly and unknowingly encouraging. We have met neighbors along the way; the preschooler got to test out a yard swing, and we have conversed with the couple who owns the house with a yard we have admired since purchasing our home. We somehow encountered our regular UPS driver (Ben) no less than five times one day in a three-quarter-mile stretch; that was the funniest. We met some spoiled fur-babies and encountered other families enjoying the fresh air. We have appreciated the friendliness, the teenagers who pause before backing out of driveways, and neighbors who tease that I am usually walking up hills while my husband and preschooler are running (I know my truth).

I am sure neighbors, regardless of race, had probably wondered who we are and where we came from; we purchased our home right before the pandemic hit and barely got to know the folks in our cul-de-sac, let alone people on other connected subdivisions. Admittedly we understand “strangers” in any neighborhood are off-putting these days. Honestly, strangers in our cul-de-sac are off-putting; unfamiliar people should set off our “spidey” senses. However, we never presume anything wholly negative about anyone; we made jokes about what people would think until they got used to seeing us. Alas, we never made Nextdoor, so all was well. No one posted on Nextdoor about the strange minority family in the neighborhood, not that we expected anyone to, but again with Nextdoor, you never know, at least in our city.

Then the unthinkable happens. A self-identified Black woman (no picture) posted on Nextdoor what she would later title a “pre-emptive recognition against the suspicion and paranoia” and I momentarily wondered if I was missing something about one of these subdivisions in particular. It is a subdivision that has had its share of drama, something about “mustang Gary and their community park.” And while this is not our subdivision, it is one that we walk/run, so I was confused.

Her prose spoke of “interested parties wondering if she was casing their homes, people thinking she was looking suspiciously at their cars or assuming she was a pedophile as she passed the school bus stop.”

I was dumbfounded. When I first read her Nextdoor post, my initial response to my husband was a text, “I swear, some black person done ruined our walks.” Yep, crazy grammar and all, that was my text as I shared the post with him because, as another black person, that is how I felt, knee-jerk, gut reaction. This “neighbor” posted a hate-filled rant, and the last thing I wanted was people looking at me, assuming it was me or, I presume, like her.

In the hate-filled post (and I am paraphrasing), she called people bad parents, told folks that their lawns needed to be “tighten up,” admonished them for parking on the street, and proclaimed her home is better, her car is better and so on. Thankfully, she let us know that she is an empty nester; obviously, I am not. Therefore, my run/walks with my family are safe-ish, even though I feel a little less comfortable doing something that comes so naturally because of her.

She indicated that she was reminded that “walking while Black is real.” My question is, who exactly reminded her, and what reminded her. Days later, she closed the discussion and indicated that her post had been a “pre-emptive recognition against the suspicion and paranoia.” I was aggravated. She launched a preemptive attack against neighbors and the entire subdivision to prevent something that she assumed was potentially going to occur. A rant “for all the interested parties who don’t know her” and others in connected communities to read and chime in; she called an entire subdivision racist, bad parents and said much more as a preemptive strike.

Preemptive, i.e., nothing happened to her during her walk. She was trying to preempt some judgment, some racism… that she assumed was coming but never actually came. She did accuse someone in the pickup truck of following her because they passed her two times. I cannot confirm or deny the speculation of the following. However, I can say that there have been times when I have passed walkers and runners twice while driving in our neighborhood which consists of a pharmacy, grocery store, auto parts, and takeout restaurants; it does not take long to pick up something and get back home. And there are quite a few pickup trucks, as she described, in the area. And while I never want to downplay another’s experience, we must be careful when we paint with broad strokes.

My intention is not to downplay anyone’s experience; I hope that in our quest to educate or reeducate others, we do not pile presumptions on them that we would otherwise not want to be heaped on us.

My family continues to walk/run our neighborhood with wonder. We continue to enjoy conversing with our neighbors. I am not naïve; statistically, someone must have a problem when they see us out in the neighborhood. I am sure someone has negative assumptions; however, everyone we have encountered has been kind and encouraging. People wave, smile, have a conversation and make jokes. People are neighborly and friendly; they speak, welcome, and even initiate introduction, cheer the preschooler on, and anyone who has negative thoughts or comments has kept them to themselves.

I continue to be grateful for the time we are carving out to walk/run as a family. It is a blessing to enjoy our neighborhood together as a family. These are moments the preschooler will remember. I had no idea what would come preparing for a 5K. I could not have dreamt that some would post a “walking while black” “pre-emptive recognition against the suspicion and paranoia” rant during our journey. I am thankful that we started our journey before I read that post because, if not, our journey may not have begun. Be careful when using broad strokes of presumption; those broad strokes have the potential to rob everyone of joy.

walking with wonder

When Adam and I began our relationship, we would run or hike and occasionally grab a meal; for the most part, we packed lunch or snacks and hit a trail. A couple of non-running-related injuries would eventually sideline us both. And over the years, we have both lamented how we miss running. We have both tried distance walking at different points, and of course, we still hike. But losing our ability to run took something out of each of us.

I have always been interested in cross-country running; probably the only thing I regret not trying in middle or high school. Therefore, when I finally decided to lace up running shoes and hit the road or trail, it was like fulfilling a lifelong dream. And to have trusted medical professionals advise me to stop within two years of starting hurt. Nevertheless, I listened because physically, I had reached a point where the pain was unbearable; simple runs should not evoke tears from a “seasoned” runner. The years without running have been filled with yoga, hiking, and barre; however, I never wholly committed to either the way I embraced running.

In early February, I shared that “quality time” is my primary love language if you read my post. I am always seeking opportunities for my family to connect while exploring. We can always use more adventure! The preschooler suggested our latest experience by innocently requesting to run a 5K (3.1 miles). While we will not be running a 5K, we are preparing for a 5K Family Fun Walk. Our upcoming 5K is not a first run/walk experience for the preschooler; I guess there is a secret longing for the Healthy Kids Running Series, which is no longer at a convenient location in our area.

Distance walking is not so bad now, as I experience the walking through the eyes of the preschooler. In the past, when I ventured out for a walk, I spent much of the time lamenting about not running versus living in the walk experience. While the preschooler may not be astute at situational awareness, the kiddo points out the clouds that look like random letters, notices the sun and moon are in the sky together and finds joy in jumping sidewalk lines or racing daddy up the hill. The stuff that grownups miss or take for granted because simplicity has lost its wonder?

We have registered for two 5K events this year, roughly five months apart, to keep our commitment to getting outside, improving health, and giving the preschooler more experiences. I am confident that with dedication and working up to it, my child can walk 3.1 miles, if for no reason that I routinely walked such distances as a child out of necessity. Growing up, my family did not always have a vehicle, and I remember walking most places as a child. I recently looked at some of those walked routes and captured the distance; yes, I begrudgingly did it out of necessity; I will gladly walk with my child and husband for fun and health.

At the beginning of the Lenten season, I journaled, reflecting on the pieces of my life I hoped to improve. On that list is “a healthier body and a routine to maintain more energy,” in writing those words, I acknowledged that I would have to say yes to whatever God presented. That was March 2^nd. On March 26^th, the preschooler asked to run a 5K, and on March 28^th, the preparation began.

Did I imagine that my family would tackle a 5K? No, it was not even on my radar. I am continually in awe how God chooses to mold my family members. In the ability to say yes to things the wildly unexpected and challengingly, I am truly living as clay in the potter’s hand (Jeremiah 18).

Bibliography

Healthy Kids Running Series. 2022. https://healthykidsrunningseries.org/.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Healthy Lifestyle Fitness Walking.” Mayo Clinic. May 19, 2021. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/walking/art-20046261 (accessed April 10, 2022).

Moyer, Elizabeth. February 7, 2022. https://faryetclose.com/2022/02/07/obsessed-with-overlanding/.

Pediatrics. Cleveland Clinic. May 13, 2019. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/born-to-run-how-young-is-too-young-to-run-a-race/ (accessed March 27, 2022).